My colleague Alice likes to clarify. When we work together on a big challenge, she likes to talk it through. She’s in no rush to act. Alice wants to understand the problem first. So we talk and talk, and before long, I notice my attention has drifted. I tune back in to find…she’s still clarifying.
Clarifiers can take a while to exhaust their efforts to clarify. They want to think through the problem and keep gathering data until the information makes sense, like a puzzle when you finally put together enough pieces to see the image clearly.
Most of us struggle to listen when people express different thinking preferences.
When Alice and I collaborate, she’s often the one who does more research, more phone calls, and more data gathering. In fact, she does whatever it takes to get a clear understanding of the situation. It's her way to be sure we’re solving the right problem.
More than once, her thinking has saved us time, money, and heartache. Most of us struggle to listen when people express different thinking preferences. These days, I try harder to listen.
Why? Because listening builds trust. That’s true in relationships—and on teams. When you listen well, you don’t just express interest. You express respect, caring, and good problem solving skills. Plus, you may get insights you otherwise would have missed.
Listening helps you accomplish two things: Getting a better relationship and getting a better solution.
Listening is a skill you can improve. Here are some tips to hone your listen abilities, especially when the conversation is not centered on your personal thinking preference.
When you listen to someone who likes to clarify, you might notice them taking a logical, methodical approach. They may take time to examine the details and ask questions. And more questions.
Listening Tip: While all their clarifying may feel exhausting to you, be patient. They are not trying to slow you down. Quite the contrary, they are trying to avoid wasted effort by being sure you’re solving the right problem and choosing the most strategic approach. Stay in the conversation to help identify the key data and the right problem to solve.
When you listen to someone who likes to ideate, you may have trouble following their intuitive leaps and abstract connections. They may toss out ideas they clearly haven’t thought through.
Listening Tip: Defer judgment. Let them continue to spin and connect ideas. Playing with ideas (good and bad) is their way to get to great ideas. When it’s time to engage, rather than criticize their raw ideas, identify what you like and help refine them.
When you listen to someone who likes to develop, you notice them considering the options and weighing the pros and cons of every idea. They may delay making a decision because they want to find the perfect solution.
Listening Tip: Don’t push for a decision too soon. Give them time to evaluate and refine the options. It takes time to create a high quality solution. Ask to see the options and acknowledge the plusses and minuses of each. Ask their opinion before you decide on which solution to implement.
When you listen to someone who likes to implement, they are likely to go right to action items, pointing out what needs to be done.
Listening Tip: If you’re confident in their judgment, great. Write your to-do list and start right in. If you’re concerned that their plan is half-baked, say what you like about it, and ask “what are the risks if it doesn’t work?” That may help them clarify, ideate, and develop a better action plan.
Listening helps you accomplish two things: Getting a better relationship and getting a better solution. The more skilled you are at listening, the more trust people will put in the relationship. And trust is the basis for collaborative problem solving.
See the chart below, which shows a direct correlation between listening, trust and relationships. Copied from
Good Team, Bad Team with permission.